This is a lesson in “spring cleaning” your life. This is a story about an old gray bra. This is a love story. This is a story about hardship and despair. This is a story about survival and overcoming. This is a story about loyalty. This is a story about the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. This is a true story.
“Once upon a time, I got a new bra. It was white. It was my favorite bra. I wore it almost every day. It turned colors and was no longer white, but it was still my favorite bra. After years together, I said good-bye to my favorite bra. The end.”
Old Faithful
I know you can relate. Whether you have just a few bras or one of every color with matching panties in their own drawer, you know you have got your old faithful, go-to, wear-every-day, favorite bra.
We all have our reasons why we wear the same things repeatedly. Commonly, the favorite bra never makes it out of rotation because it is the most comfortable. Even when we are required to wear a different bra because our favorite one is in the wash or the shirt or dress we are wearing requires a different bra, we switch back to wearing our favorite bra as soon as possible even though we have other, viable bra options.
The bra is part of your comfort zone.
Retirement
There comes a time when the old faithful, now dingy, gray-colored bra needs to be retired. Forget the color, the elastic straps might be stretched out. Or, one of the hooks might be bent. Or worst of all, the underwire might have poked through. Nonetheless, you know when it is time for it to go.
Now, some people look at the retirement of the old gray bra as a new beginning. It is an exciting time. One might look forward to bra shopping and coming home with a new, pure white bra might be an experience that sparks joy. Who knows, looking at yourself in the mirror while trying on bras might be inspirational and motivate you to start or alter your workout routine. Or maybe you will decide that it is finally time to clean out your overstuffed underwear drawer since you have this new, fancy addition.
On the other hand, some of us have a hard time saying goodbye to the old gray bra. That go-to bra provided one less decision to make in the day.
That bra represents both seen and unseen things about ourselves. It shows wear and tear. It shows age and discoloration. It shows structural changes and misshapen, imperfections. That old gray bra has been with us when we have experienced pain, struggle, tears, conflict, anxiety, shame, and worry. That old gray bra has been with us when we have experienced joy, elation, pride, relief, anticipation, courage, and peace. It has been a true and real support system, in more ways than one. So, while a bra’s job is to provide physical support for a woman’s body, it symbolizes more and is not just a piece of underwear.
Emotional Attachment
Some people have created an attachment to their old gray bra. Letting go of our possessions is like letting go of a part of ourselves, at least for some people. We sometimes develop emotional attachments to items, to tangible things. Those are attachments that you do not have to carry and can be released. A thing is just a thing. It does not carry meaning unless you have attached meaning to it.
In my experience, I had to “let go” of many of my bras post-mastectomy. Although I was the same size post-reconstruction that I was before, I needed a different style, a different fit, if you will.
Since my old bras did not fit me quite the same anymore and I wanted to find better fitting bras for my new anatomy, I looked at it as an opportunity. This opportunity on the surface was to purchase cute, new, comfortable bras, but it was so much more than that for me. It was an opportunity to heal. I wanted to feel better and rise out of the sadness, despair, and loneliness I had that came from my cancer diagnosis.
Could purchasing a new bra or two, post-reconstruction, really make me feel better? Hell yeah!
Emotional Healing
Now, let me be upfront. I did not do this “get rid of the old bras and buy new ones” right away. My mom bought me some super simple sports bras that I could wear in the days immediately after my surgery that would compress and keep everything tightly in place while I healed physically. So, after a few days post-surgery and graduating out of the compression bra that I came home from the hospital in, I switched to the slightly-less-tight sports bras from my sweet mama. Whew, that was relieving! I could breathe easier, literally.
Eventually, I got brave enough to not wear one of the tighter fitting sports bras. All my pre-cancer bras had underwire. Some of them were so cute. Some of them were very, very worn. There were even a couple of them that were brand new and never been worn at all. I tried them all on, multiple times. I grieved. Even though I was happy with how my chest looked, “Mardi Gras worthy”, per my doctor, I hurt deeply. I could not get past the story of “I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 37 years old and I don’t even know why.”
My bras fit, but now I needed a different style or something. They just were not comfortable. I no longer needed the underwire the way I once did.
I did not go on a bra shopping excursion as you would expect. I was not ready for that emotionally. I was still hanging on to the “once was” or the “way it used to be.” I was still raw and could not part ways with my “pre-cancer days” bras.
I simply bought two of the exact same bras in different colors, one white and one beige, without underwire, that fit oh-so-nicely. I wore the heck out of those two bras for several years.
Then, after about 4 years from my diagnosis, it was time. I noticed an “Intimates” sale at Kohls, my down-the-street, go-to retailer for almost anything clothing or home items. The sale was not just a ‘save a few bucks and come shop at our store this weekend event.’ This “Intimates” sale was the real deal. If I found something I liked, I could save a decent amount of money on my purchases. So, guess what! I went shopping.
I did not dread this shopping trip. I looked forward to it. I was not intimated to try on bras. I was ready, willing, and excited. I had either already moved on or was ready to move on from the cancer baggage I was carrying regarding my bras. My mental state had changed or was changing, and I was thrilled about it.
After multiple dressing room visits, two bra shopping trips over two days, and some money happily exchanged for a handful of bras, I was healing. At home, I did the same try-them-all-on routine again with the bras I already had. This time, there was no weeping, no pity, or even any heaviness or distress. I simply took the bras out of my drawer that I no longer wanted to keep and replaced them with the new ones I had just purchased. It was easy to part ways with the bras that no longer served me.
Some of them, the brand-new ones, I sold on eBay, some were donated, and then there was a couple of them that just had to be thrown away. Yep, those throw-outers were the once white or beige, now dingy, stretched out, and grayed bras.
This was a huge step for me. Over the months and years of processing and living after a cancer diagnosis, I was purposefully living life and living it differently.
I had lived most of my life deliberately, purposefully, and with intent and now I lived the same way, just with more zest, like life with an exclamation point behind it.
Moral of the Story
There was clarity. I was clear and focused.
I was growing by choice and changing who I wanted to be going forward.
Nonetheless, saying goodbye to my old bras was freeing. I did not need them, wear them, or even want them. I just could not let them go before this moment. Once they were gone, I had so much more space in my life.
In closing, we all have our own stories, attachments, and baggage. The takeaway for me is simply this:
Move on. Get rid of that shit and make room for awesomeness.
Create your story going forward. If what you have does not serve you and who you are becoming, then say goodbye to it.
Where in your life could you do some clean-up? Closets, drawers, yard, Facebook friends or Instagram followings, people in your life? I’d love to hear your comments below.
Click here if you’d like to read another post about choosing to live an intentional life and reaching your full potential.